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Let Yourself Expire

by CIRCA '94.

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Jordan Evans
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1.
Expire 05:01
lyrics
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There's a date over my head. Marking off the days with a ballpoint pen. The calendars are screaming at me, telling me soon I'll be dead. And the clocks are laughing at me, saying it's just all in my head. I'll take my time but time always seems to hurry up. Seconds go by and suddenly the day is done. There's a timer in my chest counting down from my heartbeat until I'm dead. It's a cycle coming for me again tomorrow morning. It's this bizarre fixation that's keeping me alive. Feels like my whole life's revolving around when I expire. I wanna take life and make it beautiful. I wanna show death I can be something useful. My will to live is stronger than my fear of death. But every second I get closer to my final breath. I can't sleep for the fear that I'll never wake again. Thoughts penetrating my brain, saying cancer's spreading in my veins. Still praying to a god I'm sure had left me abandoned. I don't know who I am to you but I'm sure you'll understand my pleas. Please, I need release. I'm sick to death of feeling like I'm full of disease. It's this bizarre fixation that's keeping me alive. Feels like my whole life's revolving around when I expire. I wanna take life and make it beautiful. I wanna show death I can be something useful. I don't know what's waiting for me on the other side. But if the devil's got my number he's in for a hell of a surprise. I've been trying to grab onto heaven for years but I'm starting to lose my grip. If there's nothing left for me after this, can I say it's all really worth it? My brain's locked inside my skull like a cage. My soul's trying to claw its way out but there's no escape. Purge with a panic attack, I can't keep carrying this casket that's on my back or else the fear of death will be the death of me. It's this bizarre fixation that's keeping me alive. Feels like my whole life's revolving around when I expire. I wanna take life and make it beautiful. I wanna show death I can be something useful. It's this bizarre fixation that's keeping me alive. Feels like my whole life's revolving around when I expire. I wanna take life and make it beautiful. I wanna show death I can be something useful. I wanna show death that I can be someone.
2.
Hell 04:32
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I fell asleep on a beach and I woke up in hell. I fell asleep myself but I woke up as somebody else. I fell asleep on a beach and I woke up in hell. I stare into mirrors but I don't seem myself. I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Take me away, wash over me. Why won't you let me breathe? I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Words don't mean anything, why won't you let me be? Just let me be. Just let me be. I fell asleep on a beach and I woke up in hell. I fell asleep myself but I woke up as somebody else. I fell asleep on a beach and I woke up in hell. I wrote out my name but I don't know who I am. I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Take me away, wash over me. Why won't you let me breathe? I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Words don't mean anything, why won't you let me be? Just let me be. Just let me be. Imagine this: me standing at the top of a cliff and there's a bright new world raging inside of me. But then I get pushed off and all I see's a thousand foot drop and when I hit the bottom, it's gonna hurt like hell. I've got a devil on both shoulders, they're telling me to fall; they're telling me I mean nothing at all. They're telling me the only impact I'm gonna make on this world is that of a man with a sewn up mouth who fell from the peak because he couldn't stand on his own two feet. I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Take me away, wash over me. Why won't you let me breathe? I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Words don't mean anything, why won't you let me be? Just let me be. I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Take me away, wash over me. Why won't you let me breathe? I just wanna get some sleep, why won't you let me be at peace? Words don't mean anything, why won't you let me be? Just let me be. Just let me be. I fell asleep on a beach and I woke up in hell. I fell asleep myself but I woke up as somebody else. I fell asleep on a beach and I woke up in hell. I felt like I was dead but I'm still breathing.
3.
Gone 07:42
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I know we haven't spoke in a long time now. But these months feel like years and all of my worst fears are coming to life. The world just seems to be crashing all around me and you've packed your bags and gone. Are you even really there? Do you even really care? Or am I just talking to myself? It's not that I've lost my faith in you, it's just that we can't relate to one another and I don't know what to do. It's not that I've lost my faith, it's just that I'm sick of feeling this way. There's dust on the shelves, there's a mess on the floor. And it feels like you don't come around here any more. Where did we go wrong? I don't know where I belong. I'm alone on this sinking ship and you're the rock that's caused the hole in the hull. It's not that I've lost my faith in you, it's just that we can't relate to one another and I don't know what to do. It's not that I've lost my faith, it's just that I'm sick of feeling this way. Come on, I need some consistancy. You say that I'm a locked door when you're the one holding the key. I left a dozen voicemails on your answering machine, either I've got the wrong number or you don't wanna speak to me. I've screamed your name into the night until my throat filled up with blood. Now my windows are shut and my curtains drawn. You can knock this door all you want but no one's home. It's not that I've lost my faith in you, it's just that we can't relate to one another and I don't know what to do. It's not that I've lost my faith, it's just that I'm sick of feeling this way.
4.
I'm the Guy That Makes Walking Out Look Cool 03:05
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If I had the choice, I wouldn't give you anything. I wouldn't give you the time or day, I wouldn't give you the air I breathe. I can look you in the eyes and smile and not feel a thing. I hope my name makes your voice hoarse when you dig it up from where you buried it. If I had the choice, I wouldn't give you anything. I wouldn't give you the time or day, I wouldn't give you the air I breathe. I can look you in eyes and smile and not feel a thing. I hope my name makes your voice hoarse when you dig it up from where you buried it. You can take all you want from me but I will never call you family. You can take all you want from me. You can take all you want from me but I will never call you family. You can take all you want from me but you mean nothing to me.

credits

released December 8, 2017

Recorded at both Andrew Page's house and Moose's Music Hole

Tracks 1, 2, and 4 mixed and mastered by Jay Russon of Moose's Music Hole
Track 3 mixed and mastered by Andrew Page

All song written and recorded by Josh Carter

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CIRCA '94. Wolverhampton, UK

Wolverhampton-born and bred alt. rock (UK)...

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